Sunday, January 31, 2010

I do not know what else to do

I just love you and think about you all the time. I can't have you and I have to bite my tongue all the time. I still get butterflies and my heart skips a beat whenever you touch me. I still tend to get lost in your eyes. I'm so sorry I fucked things up between us, that I wasn't perfect. It'll haunt me forever I have a feeling.

I remember one moment, on Maddie's couch. That first day we hung out on winter break. One of the greatest days of my life, also contains my biggest screw up. The moment was after we had been playfully teasing. Maddie left the room and I came over to you. I let my hormones get the best of me, and asked "do want me to use my hand?"

You smiled and we continued, but no matter how fun that was, it wasn't what I really wanted to do.

The whole day all I wanted to do was kiss you.

I should have laid down beside you, stared deep into your eyes, and kissed you.

So I'm sorry I fucked up. I'm sorry that I let my hormones get the best of me.

Not a day has passed where I wish I could take it back, relive that day. But I can't can I?

That moment is going to haunt me forever. I'm sorry for that.

My only comfort is seeing you happy the past few weeks. Happier than you have ever been.

If I had to guess, I'd say you are in Love. And I can't help but smile. I'm so glad you are happy and while the moments of the past haunt me, and I wish we could have had something...I realize...

I realize that nothing could have ever made you feel the way I did.

now the only question left is why?

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