Times, they are a changin'

It's been over a year. I'm living at a university now. I read the blog over and now, it seems so surreal.

It honestly feels like the writer is someone else, but it is still me. This blog is my loving and sensitive side. I've learned to bury it under confidence, bravado, jokes, humor. But in the end, I'm still that boy who yerns for love and will smile and bring her flowers and chocolates. the boy who is innocent and loving. free from pain. He still lives.

Now, I am starting a new chapter of my life. Girls come and go. Some are worth connecting with, others not.

Leah is part of a past life now. a fond memory, as are you.

Thank You

Thank You.

Time has passed. We're mere acquaintances. Funny after all that's occured.

But Thank You.

The lessons that I learned will be with me forever, and a part of my heart will always be yours.

May you live a wonderful, majestic, and inspiring life.

May you have true love and happiness.

Thank you for being my fond memory.

I've stopped

I stopped loving you. Being away from you has done that.

I actually resent you.

It'll probably ruin our friendship.

I just can't help but smirk at the irony.

I think 've moved on...but

Although you may not love me, although you may not care. If you shall ever need me, you know that I'll be there. Your love may all be taken, your heart may not be free, but when your heart is
broken, you can always lean on me. I'll never stop loving you, I know
because I tried. All the oceans in the world, can't hold the tears I've
cried

A Break

Summer has officially started and I don't expect to see you often.

Maybe twice...once for my party and then another for your birthday.

It'll be the longest I've ever gone without seeing you.

I wonder how you will react.

Virgnity

We talked today about how you really wanted sex.
We both do lol. It's natural.
It seems like everyone around us is losing theirs.

In my mind, i've created the idea that we will lose it together.
I've always held that in my mind since you told me that you wanted to lose it with me.

I know it isn't realistic. I know that there's even so little hope you would ever consider dating me again.
But there's hope, no matter how small.
And I hate my mind for clinging onto that small hope.
It makes me wonder how badly i will crash when you most likely lose it with another guy

I wish i could just go in and remove my love for you
remove the dreams
remove the hopes

Because I know I'm headed for more pain but cannot stop myself

Bitch Move

"wanna play wit my clit and pussy durin the movie? ;) ill wear a skirt..pweese? ;)"

You KNEW i would fall for it after Wednesday.

It turns out that you were trying to prove to James that his fetish of you with another guy was bad.

Hey, I'm glad James finally realized how bad his fetish was, but Its one thing to use me for pleasure with my consent...It's an entirely different thing to use me to prove a point, knowingly toying with my emotions.


You said that you would never hit me, but that was as good as a slap to the face.

Adjusting to you and James

Text from you explaining why you were in such a great mood:

"Him :) He jus makes me smile"

I can't help but smile because you're happy. You haven't been so happy in a while.

At the same time I died a little inside.

Despite the time past, the pain, the times that I thought I was over you, the times where i kissed other girls, the times where I chases other girls...it's always been you

and I fear that it will always be you i hold so dear in my heart.

I fear it so much

Powerful words

"Sometimes it's just alot easier to tell yourself you don't want someone because you can't have them. It makes it hurt less, cause you feel like what's stopping you from being with them is your own personal decision. It empowers you, and so it makes it easier to deal with and makes you feel like you're in control"

@#$%

I never got over you.
 These feelings just lie dormant from time to time.

It scares the shit out of me to think that it might always be you. I might wait my life for you. I shouldn't be friends with you. I shouldn't even talk to you. All it does is feed any hope of being with you.

But love dictates I cannot just walk away.

Because there's only one thing in this world I want more than to just walk away from you...

and that one thing is you.

You make me feel bad about myself

You make me feel inadequate.

You make me feel like I'm not enough, like I'm incomplete or missing something important

December was amazing...You were mine and I loved it. You left it all behind. I made my peace and looked back fondly on the time that was ours. It was only after I learned that Andrew happened in December that I began to look back upon it with distain. Our time wasn't our time at all. It made me feel like just another guy to you, and nothing more.

You never told Matt about us. You never REALLY told him. You lied to him about me. I understand why you did it, to keep him from getting upset. But i doubt you realized how much that hurt me. It was like I was an embarrassment to you. It was like you wished I never happened.

May 26th was amazing. It was 6 months overdue. I knew it was casual, and I was okay with that. It wasn't until I learned that you spent that evening talking sexually with James that I had a hint of hate at the day. You needed more after me. The worst part is that I bet James has no idea. I'm too afraid to ask because I'm scared that I'm right. That you are hiding our time together from him as if you didn't want it to happen.

Every time we are more than friends, there's always another guy instead of me. Whenever we are just friends, you act to the outside world like we never happened. It makes me feel like I don't matter to you. I'm not saying that we should have more time together. I'm just saying that it hurts when you do hide the times already past :( It makes me feel like I'm not good enough.

My Mind

My mind has been officially blown as of today

Damn

I was really happy in December.

:\

Coming to Terms

I trusted you.
The fact is that I believed you when you told me what I wanted to hear.
I think you meant it at the time, I'll never know for sure.
But it's my naivety that hurt me.
I believed that you loved me when you told me so.
I believed that you wanted to lose your virginity to me when you told me so.
I believed that you wanted to marry me when you told me so.
I should have known better.
At least I will know for next time.
Lesson Learned. Trust leads to Pain.

Breakdown

You and matt nearly broke up last night but today you guys are great. I couldn't help but let my hopes rise.

He tells me that "i love her and when u care bout someone so much u want the best for them and she was thinking come next year things would get very stressful and things would get tense which they would but i told her that she would be lonely and i told her that many guys come and go and they say this and say that but which really means it?"

I mean it.

I might spend a few hours staring out the window at the dismal rain sipping on a beer or two while listening to songs that only begin to tap my true feelings. The quicker and the more painful it is...the quicker I get numb.

Here's to another afternoon imagining that the pillows on my bed are your sillohette and that warm breeze upon my arm is your gentle touch.

Here's to yet another breakdown.

the most beautiful bird

I was once strolling through the park, when a bird in a tree caught my eye. She was the most beautiful bird. Feathers, brighter than the rest. Songs, sweeter than any other. She was simply amazing. I went to the bird store and bought the most beautiful cage to house the most beautiful bird. Toys and Perches, nothing but the best for the most beautiful bird. With some seed, the most beautiful bird waltzed into the cage, delighted to have a wonderful place to live. I loved the most beautiful bird with such an intensity. In her cage, the most beautiful bird was happy. In her cage, the most beautiful bird sung beautifully. She let me know that she loved me back. In time, though, the most beautiful bird longed to be free. I took care of her and loved her with all that I had, but the most beautiful bird's heart belonged in nature, frolicking from tree to tree, happy to be free. That was where the most beautiful bird wanted to be. The most beautiful bird's heart was not mine. I did not want to let the most beautiful bird go. I brought her the best food, toys, and love. Still, the most beautiful bird longed to be free. The day came where I could no longer bear to see the most beautiful bird sad anymore. I opened the door to her beautiful cage, and watched the most beautiful bird fly away. The part of me that knew the most beautiful bird deserved to be free rejoiced. Still, the part of me that loved the most beautiful bird cried.  I had never been so happy as when the most beautiful bird sung only to me. I had never been so happy as when the most beautiful bird was mine. Time has passed, and the most beautiful bird has been gone four months now. Some days, it is enough to know that the most beautiful bird is happy being free. It is enough to know that she is with her true love. Other days, I am the shadow of the man that I was with the most beautiful bird. I wish for the most beautiful bird to fly through my window to be with me once again. Some days, a part of me still thinks that the most beautiful bird will perch herself on my windowsill again. Every day, though, I know that I love the most beautiful bird. Everyday, I know that I miss the most beautiful bird.

Later

For five months I knocked eagerly at your door. Flowers in hand, Charming smile on my face. You opened the door for a moment. Let me take a step towards coming in. You told me you loved me. Told me you wanted to lose your virginity to me. You told me that you would be devastated if you lost me to anyone else. Then you slammed the door in my face.

And it wasn't you who was devastated, it was me.

The old me wasn't good enough. He was naive and weak. He believed that love could conquer all and that she was the one. He got his heart broken. I killed him. Buried him in me and created a new me.


The new me is a player. He hides his broken heart behind confidence and bravado. He dresses sharply and attracts the women. He hunts for fun. He failed to find any. He got stood up.


Now I'm left standing here with two hurt persona's facing new doors to open. All solid wood, no idea what's behind them. Maybe I am scared just because I don't know what to do, but I can't help but think of the past.

I walk back to your door, glass instead of wood. I see you with Matt. Everything is perfect for you at first. You are happy, and I am glad for you. All I am is envious of your happiness. I want that with someone. But I look harder and saw doubt in your eyes. I saw tears in your eyes.

And that's was it. The seed of desire was planted in my mind, Quickly infesting every corner once again. Like a bad memory that just won't go away, The thought that maybe you and Matt are not right for one another crept in and never left. I resisted all I could but it was too late.

So here I am, standing at your door once again. I can't knock. I'd lose you for good as a friend or a lover. My better judgment whispers in my ear like the gentle breeze to walk away, but I can't, not with the seed of desire in me.

I feel pathetic. Hurt and Lonely, I stand at a crossroads. Looking at many wooden doors, scared to open another one and fall apart once again. Looking back through your glass door, wondering if there's any hope. All I can think to do is fog up the glass with my breath and write "I ♥ U" in all hopes that you will turn and look my way as I try to collect myself and walk towards a wooden door.

What I want more than anything though, is for someone to find me. For someone to open their door and see me there.

Maybe I can't find her because we keep missing one another. We keep moving from place to place searching...missing one another completely.

Maybe the answer is to stand still for a while

So this is it

This blog has been my sanctuary. My place to put my raw feelings into words.

Reading it all, going back...Sometimes I got so caught up in what I felt that I was blinded.

I no longer agree with some of the posts I made. Some were plain out wrong.

But I won't delete them, merely retract them.

Because this page will stand testament to how I felt when I felt it.

Where I am

I'm in a very weird place right now.

Words cannot describe just how disappointed the teenage boy in me is that we never got those thirty minutes with a blindfold. If you still ask me today who I find most attractive, my answer would still be you.

The lover inside of me has moved on. I do still love you but what happened between you and Matt is something you never had with me. I fought it for 7 months but that's the simple truth isn't it? the weird thing is that I'm okay with that...I'm actually glad. With him, you are happy and it gives me hope that I'll find a girl who loves me as much as I loved you and makes me happy too :)

In hindsight, I regret not using every moment with you when I had the chance. If I had to do it over, I would have used our time together better. But in all honesty, If I could change what's happened, I wouldn't interfere with you and Matt.

Because you are happy and that's all that really matters.

And I love you and love being in your life but i anxiously await the day I meet the girl with whom I'll have what you and Matt have. Only a year ago, i had never even met you. Who's to say where I will be or who I will meet in the next year? :)

So thank you, for being who you are. I love you for bringing out the side of me that you do. I love you for instilling in me the optimism that you have. I love you for being in my life.

:)

Today was the Day

We talked about Matt.

You are more in love with him than I thought lol.

What hurts isn't that you love someone else, but that for weeks you lied to me about it.

You Shouldn't ever have to lie to me about anything.

Ever.

Because we aren't meant to be but I will always be there at your side ready to catch you if you fall or to talk to if you need someone to talk to.

I think I might show you this blog.

To show you I trust you and that you might trust me back.

because I want to be best friends with you :) so I'm there at your wedding with Matt and you at mine with [Insert her name here] lol

Busted, Broken, Useless

I'm left Jaded and I hate it. I wish I could still look at love naively again

I just want the perfect woman to come along and make me realize why I took the jaded path...if it leads me to her.

:)

Time

It's been 204 days since I met you

not one has passed without thinking of you.

feels like an eternity

Butterfly effect

It wasn't love at first sight. I don't remember what you were wearing that day.

In hindsight, It seems so improbable. There was one open chair next to you. You were gorgeous, I remember that. You were intimidating. But still, I went and sat. Butterflies in my stomach, I managed to start a conversation. We really hit it off. After that, I just had to know your name. I was still in the relationship with cailtyn and I honestly wanted to make that work, but in retrospect, I guess I was crushing you from the very moment we met. It took only two months for me to fall for you and realize that you weren't just gorgeous...you were...you are beautiful.

What if I had slipped into Caitlyn's group to be with her, and we never met. What if, I had been early to that computer lab, and grabbed a seat totally away from you, never meeting. What if I had given into the butterflies and walked away from the gorgeous girl. Was it fate we met? Why did none of the little things get in the way of us meeting? Is it because it was inevitable?

What would happen if I was never there? Would you still be with Carlos had I never swooned you? If I was never in the picture, would you have been with another guy? Would the event with Daniel have ever occurred if you were with another guy?

Would I be happier? But that's not the important question. The important question is:
Would you be happier?

[insert witty title here]

You've got a guy. He's on your phone as Dan. Is this the guy you've fallen for? You do a very nice and discreet job of tilting your phone just enough so that way I don't see. You've been texting this guy for a while.

I'm pretty sure I saw you text "I miss you too"

Fergie tells me that Matt is real. That you told her just about everything and made her swear not to tell me.

You tell me that there is no guy in your life. None at all. Not even an interest.

I don't know what to do. You know what. I'm gonna talk to you about it.

This is my last post.

I think I am finally over you.

I can think of my future and you aren't there.

I can be turned on by other women.

I'm so relieved, if anything.

You still are one of the sexiest and hottest women I know, but I don't desire you.

Thank you for everything and I will always love you for teaching me what you have.

This blog is where i put my ideas and thoughts down and shall stand as such. It was there for me when I couldn't talk to anyone. The posts are very emotional so if anything is offensive, I most likely said it while I was rushed with bad feelings. 

This is my last post. Thank you for teaching me valuable lessons and for helping me grow.

I love you for making me the man I am today and I will always be there for you as a friend. :)

Hmm...Matt, Ashton, and someone new

Just browsing the internet, I noticed that you took everything "Matt" off of your myspace page, but you are still just as in love as always....Maybe this means it is getting serious?

I'm crushing on another girl, Ashton, and have a date with her later this week. She's the first girl who has actually been able to take my mind off you in seven months. Not to say I don't think about you anymore, only that someone else has taken up some thoughts as well. Its odd wanting two women. Especially when I love the one with whom I have no chance and am only crushing the one with whom I could have a whole new blossom.

I did have a dream last night, that a guy broke your heart, and you called me bawling. I quickly rushed over and you cried your heart out. I did what I normally do, and calmed you down and made you feel better. I told you that you were going to find a guy who loves you for who you are and will cherish you the way you are meant to be cherished. You looked at me with a look so endearing, and then you kissed me, tears still wet in your eyes. It ended...


The weird part was waking up and knowing that will never happen...but being okay with it.

My days

I'm struggling and conflicted inside.

Perhaps one of the worst things is that I know in my heart that there is hope! It's maddening because I've already fucked up once and I am not sure what I did but I cannot fuck up again. I have so many thoughts and emotions running through my head.

Short-term, I want to just be there for you and have fun in an intimate relationship.

My libido desires you, and sometimes overrides all my thoughts with images of us. There are days and nights where my imagination runs wild with the fantasies we had, the sensations I felt, the raw attraction I have for you.

Long-term, I want to be with you in a serious relationship. Whenever I think about my future, you are always there. I've daydreamed about what we could have and that is what keeps me going some days. I see us having late steamy nights in our dorms in college. I see myself proposing to you soon after you graduate. I see us working at the same hospital, you a neonate nurse and me finishing my residency, sharing an apartment. I see us having kids. I see us together through life.

And then there's what you want. At least...what I think you want. I think about this most of all. You're 16. You're young. In me...you see a best friend. You say that you are not attracted to me but I think you are. I think you tell me otherwise because with me, you feel tied down. You feel like it is a serious relationship, and it scares you. You just want fun. You want a guy to make you feel sexy, a guy who is expendable. You want a fling, and that's not what I am. You don't want to be with me because you are afraid that you will hurt me, and I'm not what you want now.

I know that what we could have is something very special. I wonder when you will realize that too. Will you have to go through a few guys, a few relationships, a few heartbreaks before you realize it?

I wonder what I will do when you realize it.

Will i wait for you to realize it?

kills me

What hurts the most is how quickly your mind changed

I still remember that gleam in your eyes when you looked at me. I can close my eyes and still feel the warmth of your body against mine, your lips gently kissing my forearm.

You said you wanted to reenact my dreams. You said that you thought we were perfect. You said you loved me.

Then one day it all went away.

Not knowing what happened...what I did...is what absolutely kills me.

I wonder?

We hung out at Maddie's for hours after school today, and I had so much fun. It was amazing.

You did this eye test on Josh and Me, asking us questions while you looked for our reactions. You asked me to think of a happy moment and I just stared deep into your eyes and smiled. I wonder if you know I was thinking of you?

You were...surprisingly cuddly and laid ontop or next to me alot, and even let me put my arm around you. We are closer than best friends, that is certain. I wonder if you feel that? I wonder if you know that you still manage to make my heart skip a beat?

I tickled you so much and we laughed so hard. I could tell by the way you acted and your body heat that you were turned on, as the tickling always has been for you. You foot managed to find my inner thigh a few times but you never teased like I expected you to. I wonder if the thought crossed your mind to tease me so? I wonder if you realize that I am not lying when I say that you are the hottest woman in the world to me? I am certain that it's only because you are loyal and in love with Matt that nothing happened. I wish you would just tell me already.

Damning Love

At first this love was a burden. Then this love was blissful. Now, this love is just plain damning.

I love you so much, more than anyone out there. I can't even say why! All I know is that you make me feel complete and whole, and while you say otherwise, I wouldn't be surprised if we turned out soul mates because that is what it feels like.

But i feel damned. This is one of those things in life that you are not prepared for. It seems everyone has something in their life that "oh, it would never happen to me"...

mine is I can't be with the woman I felt such passion and love for

If I stick around, living on a hope that you love me someday, I will surely fall and be in pain! I'm Damned

If I let go of the woman I cannot go a day without thinking of, then I am sure that I will never meet someone I love as much as you! I'm Damned

Damn

I just want my perfect woman now pweese :((((

Hakuna Matata

Frustrated because I can't tell if it's real. Mad because I don't know how you feel. Angry because I can't make it right. Sad because I need you all the time. Upset because you won't take my hand. Aggravated because you don’t seem to understand. Disappointed because I can never be with you. I don't want to laugh because I know it's not going to help, but I don't want to mope because it will just make me feel worse. It seems like my heart is falling apart. Not only that, but I know my life is soon going to feel like it's falling apart too. Things just aren’t the same anymore. I don't think it will ever end, and no matter what you have done to me, it feels impossible to stop loving you. I know that I can never be anything more than a friend to you, if a close one at that. Despite this, I desperately check my cell phone every minute, hoping you will suddenly call me with a change of heart. I really have never had this much trouble with any girl up until now...

Everyone wonders why I still love you if you have hurt me so much. That's the confusing part, I don't know why, I just do. Love doesn't make sense, and fate decided to throw us together. After a few weeks, I finally feel a sense of relief, like I'm getting happy again, but I know inside that I'm just going into denial. After a few more weeks, I'm back to where I was, an empty soul and heavy heart. I thought I got over you, but really, I just stopped showing it. Close friends and music are the only things keeping me on the edge of sanity.

Heart break leaves deep scars inside that are there forever. No one really understands how I feel, and how deep I am hurt, because every broken heart is different. They don't know the true pain I feel and carry everyday, so I learned that I am basically alone with all this. The feeling starts to overwhelm me, and suddenly I just break down, right there, because I know I've had enough. I'm to the point where I don't care about what other people think. I've spent so many long nights lying awake in bed, trying a thousand times to erase your memories of you. I’ve spent so many days being haunted by uncertainty of the future. I'm in the midst of all these mixed feelings, I know that it’s not helping any, and it's not going to bring you back, or even if I really ever had you in the first place.

I begin to ask myself pointless questions. If I happen to walk out of this room right now, forget everything, leave it all behind, and never come back, would I be okay with that? would you be okay with that? Can you even see me, did you forget completely, or are you hiding what you feel as I am? After what seems like months or even years, I finally pull myself back together and keep going. As you walk by, I have to force the words to come out of my mouth, even a simple “hello” is tough. My body gets tense, my vision blurs out everything but you, and I let out a long sigh as I struggle with my emotions, trying to hold them back. I still get butterflies when I see you, and when I imagine my future, it is always you there beside me. Is this a vision of a possible future, or merely wishful thinking?

Everyone says, "It will be okay…” but I know it won't be. And that’s the truth, it won’t be okay. I look back on all of the hurt I had from this, and I realize how cruel the world can be. I'm still hurt, but I've learned to hide it so that everyone thinks I am okay. So now every time I see you, I know I still love you, and I feel a slight tingle in my heart yearning for you to love me. I secretly scream out “I love you…I miss you...I need you”, but for some reason, you don’t hear it. Then I ask yourself how I even managed to live one day without you. Finally, I sit back, and wonder how one person could have caused all of this…

"When one door closes, another door opens, but we often look so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us. Embrace pain. Sometimes those memories are something you can’t forget, maybe not even something you want to forget. Sometimes it feels like life slams you so hard against the wall that you can’t get up. But I say pull together what’s left of your dignity, and keep your head up. Most things in life come unexpected. If you start looking for something good, as a general rule you’ll eventually find it. Don’t look back, have no regrets, and live on"

Dustin

Dustin told you that he loves you. I am very angry with him, specifically because he KEEPS trying to get you to love him. Even though he has a fiancee and child, he is selfishly trying to get you for himself no matter how it makes you feel. He's hurting you, becuase you are torn that you cannot love him back. He is making it feel like it is your fault. It doesn't compute with me that he can say he loves you, yet knowingly hurt you this way. He took a knife to your heart and is twisting it. Seeing you in this pain is so damn unbearable. I love you so much, but I don't let you know. I don't tell you that I still want you. All because I know it would hurt you if i did tell you. Love is putting the feelings of another person completely before yours, and Dustin is not doing so.

You called me, bawling. It was so hard to take. After the call, I wish that I had come to your house. just so you could have someone there, giving you support. I promise to come next time you need someone.

Hmm

I told you about Kate today and...well, you took it really well. Question is...how do I take it?

I still don't know.

I know I still want you and when I think about my future, it is you standing beside me.

But it isn't really you...I just imagine a future with the "perfect woman" next to me, as every guy does, and you just happen to be close to her...and I'm not going to lie, you could have been her. But it never would have worked would it? You never felt the spark like I did. Maybe it was fate. Maybe I'm going to meet that perfect woman who will take that place by my side in the future. Maybe...but for now It's you...even though I know it isnt going to happen. even though I dont truly desire you as I did before

But I'm working hard at forgetting you. I am going to become a player. Go from girl to girl looking for her. Having fun all the way until I find her. Trying to move on.

We will see...

Kate

I decided to take some initiative about moving on

I saw a cute girl and asked for her number

I was honestly expecting to be shot down but she gave me her number

Today is the day i realize there's hope after you, no matter how much I want you now :)

my life:

I'm over you...
I'm over you...


You - "Hey Sam!"
**hug :)))**


Damnit

:-\

I asked her to stay but she wouldn't listen
She left before I had the chance to say
Oh
The words that would mend the things that were broken
But now it's far too late, she's gone away

Every night you cry yourself to sleep
Thinking: "Why does this happen to me?
Why does every moment have to be so hard?"
Hard to believe that

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

The taste of your breath, I'll never get over
The noises that she made kept me awake
Oh
The weight of things that remained unspoken
Built up so much it crushed us everyday

Every night you cry yourself to sleep
Thinking: "Why does this happen to me?
Why does every moment have to be so hard?"
Hard to believe that

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

Of all the things I felt but never really shown
Perhaps the worst is that I ever let you go
I should not ever let you go, oh oh oh

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you
And I won't go home without you

My favorite pic

This is my favorite pic of you by far. You took it when we were dating during that winter break...it's your eyes, they aren't that sharp bright blue they tend to be. In this pic, they are calmer. Like a peaceful pond color.


It's also because I can still look into your eyes in this picture...when you were still crazy about me...and see a little bit of that still there.

Maybe it's just my imagination...but sometimes I'm sure i can still see your infatuation for me in these eyes.

But nowadays, I see it for another guy in your eyes. Whenever you ask me what's wrong after heaving a heavy sigh, it is me wondering who Matt is and why you lie to me about him. Why wasn't I the guy to make you happy? Is there another woman for me? Someone who's eyes will twinkle like yours with me in mind?

Questions burned into my mind's eye

Moving on...

...is easier said than done.

I know I should move on, and that I'd be wasting my time if I tried anymore...

...but How can I move on when I dream about you almost every night and you consume my thoughts during the day?

so difficult

There are days that I am over you and days I am not.

Maybe the latter will fade with time.

But what if they don't?

I do not know what else to do

I just love you and think about you all the time. I can't have you and I have to bite my tongue all the time. I still get butterflies and my heart skips a beat whenever you touch me. I still tend to get lost in your eyes. I'm so sorry I fucked things up between us, that I wasn't perfect. It'll haunt me forever I have a feeling.

I remember one moment, on Maddie's couch. That first day we hung out on winter break. One of the greatest days of my life, also contains my biggest screw up. The moment was after we had been playfully teasing. Maddie left the room and I came over to you. I let my hormones get the best of me, and asked "do want me to use my hand?"

You smiled and we continued, but no matter how fun that was, it wasn't what I really wanted to do.

The whole day all I wanted to do was kiss you.

I should have laid down beside you, stared deep into your eyes, and kissed you.

So I'm sorry I fucked up. I'm sorry that I let my hormones get the best of me.

Not a day has passed where I wish I could take it back, relive that day. But I can't can I?

That moment is going to haunt me forever. I'm sorry for that.

My only comfort is seeing you happy the past few weeks. Happier than you have ever been.

If I had to guess, I'd say you are in Love. And I can't help but smile. I'm so glad you are happy and while the moments of the past haunt me, and I wish we could have had something...I realize...

I realize that nothing could have ever made you feel the way I did.

now the only question left is why?

I'm confused

Sometimes, all I want is you. i think you are the one for me and that we will surely end up together. I mean, how could we not? We had such magic, and I still see it in your eyes and smile. I dream of you often, and daydream of you constantly. I think of my future, and it's you standing beside me.

Other times, I'm just so pissed and dissapointed in you. How could you throw what we had away? How could you let me in like that, tell me you love me, and then shut me out? How could you play me like that? You are nothing more than a girl who is gonna realize that she had a chance to be happy with me, but she lost me.


Then there are times I truly believe that there is another woman out there for me who is going to be just for me. A woman who will make me stop dreaming of you...stop wishing for you...stop loving you.


I'm tired of swinging back and forth between them! I just want the woman I'm meant to be with now, whether it is you or someone else! I just want my woman...someone who loves me as much as I love you now. Someone to share my life with in happiness.

Connections

I am not crazy in love with you anymore.

The Fire is gone.

I'm left with a strong connection. A need to have you in my life.

But with each passing day I'm realizing I only need you as a friend...and not a lover.

And that I'm okay with being to you, just a brother...not a lover.

I Hate it

Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like 'maybe we should just be friends' or 'how very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.

Fantasy

I'm not sure why but I can't seem to stop fantasizing about us the past few days. Perhaps its because it is just so damn amazing.

That sensual exhale you do while I'm pleasuring you, the one you did on Maddie's couch...on mine...will echo in my head for a very long time, if not forever.

You are amazing

You are just so amazing. Your personality, your voice, your body...all of it is amazing :)

Beauty Quotes

Do I Love you because you're beautiful, Or are you beautiful because I love you?

Beauty... when you look into a woman's eyes and see what is in her heart

In every man's heart there is a secret nerve that answers to the vibrations of beauty

Nothing

Nothing makes my heart skip a beat like it does when I'm waiting for you to text me first...and then you do :)

perfection

Perfection, I have realized, is not something you can label or define. Perfection, as with beauty, is in the eyes of the beholder.

I have a very odd feeling

I'm over you, and I'm not over you. I've stopped trying, and I don't want to try for you anymore. But I still want you. I want a woman who loves me and that I love. But I want you to be that woman.

I want you to be the woman for me

Saw you today

You look really good. you are the hottest girl in the world to me and I love you. Behind all the hurt, that Is the simple fact. I envision my future. My first house, my first child, working as a doctor, late nights in my dorm room, my wedding, the first time I have sex, my first grandchild, my life. In those daydreams, I am sorry to say that you are still the one there with me. I really want to meet the woman who takes my mind off of you. I want someone new,,,someone who I could see with me doing all those things. Someone who loves me as much as I love you.

What I Want

I want a woman who:
- will make me laugh at random times
- makes me smile when I think about her
- is bold minded
- can take care of herself, but likes to have people by her side when attacking a problem
- has some curves, some breast, and some junk in the trunk ;)
- listens to what I have to say
- lets me be her shoulder to cry on, and fully appreciates it
- isn't afraid to be naughty
- isn't afraid to go against tradition, like kiss me and bring me small, but thoughtful gifts.
- can be an angel when she needs to be
- is successful in life
- isn't afraid to talk about the future, what she wants, or anything else with me.
- will walk up behind me and wrap her arms around me
- will lead me behind a corner just for a kiss and intimate moment
- will tell me I'm handsome just enough so it leaves a lasting impression, but not too much
- will appreciate the things I do for her.
- on the rare occasions that I am not strong, she is there for me
- isn't afraid to eat a big meal and get a little messy
- is empathetic and caring towards others
- doesn't let people walk over her or her opinions
- sexuality near matches mine ;D
- is strong-willed
- doesn't like all the same things I like, but respects my opinions
- I can have an argument or fight with, yet still hold hands and kiss
- is a tease (lets face it, I love it XD)
- is a good tease-ee
- is ticklish
- in public, unless the situation allows, is a polite lady
- loves an adrenaline rush
- sometimes puts on makeup and dresses nice for public
- sometimes puts on makeup and dresses nice for hanging out
- sometimes just goes out in public with nothing but sweatpants and no-makeup
- sometimes just hangs out in private with nothing but sweatpants and no-makeup
- is on my mind all the time
- knows she is on my mind all the time
- appreciates a moment of holding hands and staring into each others eyes.
- wants me to hold her tight
- might be naughty first from time to time
- responds well to me being naughty first ;D
- enjoys a nice action movie
- enjoys a good football game
- enjoys a nice chick flick
- likes it when i surprise her with gifts
- really likes it when i come up behind her and whisper in/kiss her ear
- whispers in my ear during intimate moments
- doesn't mind a little danger or risk in an action (like trespassing to see a cool sight, or speeding on an empty road)
- doesn't do really stupid things like drug, alcohol, or steal
- doesn't lie to me for her benefit
- likes a formal date like dinner and a movie
- enjoys a night at home with a movie, home cooked meal, and intimacy
- trusts me with her life
- earns my trust
- likes a good wrestling match
- is somewhat athletic
- isn't afraid to be a dork...my dork :)
- loves to talk to me but isn't obsessive
- expresses her wants and needs clearly
- loves the expensive jewelry and flowers, but doesn't expect it
- loves the small, inexpensive gifts, but doesn't expect it
- understands my moral code
- has her own moral code
- is willing to drive over in the middle of the night just to be there
- wants me as badly as I want her
- isn't a perfect person, but is perfect in my eyes
- has a beautiful smile
- lights up when she see's me
- makes me light up when I see her
- plans some stuff out, but appreciates spontaneity
- loves to ride in the car just singing to the music
- I can hang out with and have fun just being together
- dreams about her future
- is a virgin (specifically because I want to share the experience of losing it with her).
- is my best friend
- is my lover
- is my other half

I trust you

I trust you.

Just another day

Woke up with you on my mind. Dreamt of us just hanging out. You were wearing that pink hoodie sweatshirt and your favorite jeans. We just laughed and talked and there was a tickle fight XD...at school you were wearing your pink hoodie and jeans. Deja vu. You look really good in that. Not as good as I think you look in sweats without makeup, but still very beautiful. Sometimes I think you doubt I think you are the hottest girl in the world. i truly think that you are...not that It matters. I wonder how you think I feel. I wonder if you know I still think we would be so happy.

I was talking to you today. You went on about how Dustin said he loves you. The man who has a baby and is engaged told you that he wished he was engaged to you. I am not sure what he wished to accomplish. All telling you could possibly do is mess with your mind...and It did that pretty effectively. You complained to me about why guys end up falling for you. I wonder that too. How did I fall for you? You are nothing truly special....but then...you just are. You have imperfections but in my eyes, you are perfect. I would give anything in the world, go any distance, do anything to make you feel for me what I feel for you. But that's just it...nothing can make you feel the way I do. So I think I'm going to be stuck in this place for a while. At least, until someone comes into my life that is just as lovable as you. Hopefully that next woman will love me back, because I'm not sure I could take this again.

What am I?

Am I pathetic for still loving you? Does it mean I'm strong that I haven't given up on us all this time? Does it mean I'm foolish that I keep believing in something that seems so lost? Am I naive for pursuing the woman I can't go a day without thinking of? Am I wise to not let go? Am I an idiot for not confronting you about him? What am I for still being in love? What does it make me, when I still see your face when I close my eyes.

faith

i talked to you...asked you if Matt was real. You told me no.


i realized that you are lying to me. I just know you are.

But I realize that It doesn't matter.

I have faith that you are doing it for reasons.

Maybe you think you are protecting me from pain. Maybe you think I would take the news badly. Maybe you just don't want to admit you lied to me.

Whatever the reason...I don't want to lose you as a friend...

because I don't want you out of my life.

Love

Love is the slowest form of suicide

I don't know who to believe anymore

I don't know who to believe anymore. I know what I want to believe. I know what I want. I wish the world were as simple. I've heard stories confirming my fear that Matt is real. My gut tells me that he is real. I don't know if I can trust either of them. I don't want to assume that you lied to me. I have too much faith in you to assume that. Faith, not only as a love, but as the friend you say you are. To be honest, it wouldn't surprise me if he is real. It's not surprising that yet again you found some older guy and let him in. I hope it isn't true, not because I'm afraid to have lost you to someone, but I'm afraid that ONCE AGAIN you will get hurt by some guy demanding sex from you. Or worse...you give it to him. I'm afraid to see you hurt yourself again.

I'm just happy :)

I can't stop smiling XD

i love you :) I miss you but i kno god's got a plan and I'm sure theres a woman for me part of it somewhere down the line so...

For now I really want you to be that woman but if not...there's other women...right?

I'm just happy :)

wonder how long this will last :)

You seem

It wasn't long ago that you told me Matt wasn't real.

My gut is telling me differently.

The way you act. The way you smile. The way your eyes twinkle. You have a guy.

I shudder at the possibility of you being with another Carlos or Daniel

I just hope he doesn't hurt you like you've let so many guys do before

Seeing you hurt would be more than I could bear.

Up and Down, through and through

I've been on an emotional rollercoaster the past 6 months. I love you. I know that much. Everything else is confusing though. My head spins with everything. The lies. The possibilities. The feelings. The crushed dreams. It's times like this, I find myself staring at your pictures. I've been daydreaming before...staring off into space. Suddenly reawoken to reality to find myself on your facebook page...your eyes and smile in front of me. No matter what, going through your pictures always makes me smile. It never fails...through and through

Why

why am I who I am? I don't quite understand how everyone around me can do the things they do, and treat me like some piece of shit. Treat me like I don't matter. They smile at me, act like they are my friends, and then fuck me over some way or another when it's profitable for them. I used to believe that people were at least by a little bit of nature, good. But I just don't know anymore. I've opened up to so many people, just because I trusted. I looked into eyes and saw good. Its all a facade though isn't it. It pisses me off that I've let so many people see the real me and for what? just to get poked and prodded with a stick by those I called my friends. just to have the one person who i actually let touch my heart, drop it once she got bored. Life is messed up. There are not enough good people in the world to counteract the bad and when all the bad are acting good, who the fuck can tell the difference? I'm closing shop. Putting up my armor. Someone is going to have to earn all of my trust before I give them anything now. Thanks to all the secrets and lies we tell one another. Thanks to the friends who went behind my back. Thanks to the woman who only played the part when I gave her my heart.

Back of my eyelids

I can guarantee you that the question which has been burned into the back of my eyelids and will haunt me until the day I die, no matter how many more times I love and lose...will be "Why do I love you so much?"

We need to talk

I want you to listen to what I am about to tell you. I want you to listen without responding. You will probably want to cry. You will probably want to hit me. You will want to yell at me that I am wrong. You will want to think that I don't care. But I want you to resist those things and trust me when I say I love you and care more than anyone.


Its sad when people you know become people you knew. Its devastating when it happens to someone you love. I looked into your eyes many times in the past few months, and saw so many great things. I saw potential, boldness, sexiness, happiness, empathy, intelligence, and greatness all within you. I saw past the slut who wore a cheerleader outfit to school. I saw past the student who failed her Algebra class. I saw past the whore who skipped from guy-to-guy looking for a high of physicality. I saw past the hypocrite who preached Christian and lusted, keeping purity on technicalities. I saw a good person. I saw the person I fell in love with. At least, I thought I saw...

I've come to realize that the facade i thought you were hiding behind...isn't a mask. It's you. I wasn't seeing past anything at all, I was simply ignoring....as I think you are ignoring.

You've done things that you are not proud of. You've made mistakes and that's okay. I'm not telling you that being imperfect is wrong. What is wrong is the fact that you do not learn from those mistakes, but instead ignore them and continue to make worse ones. You've told me a couple times to not tell things to Maddie, or anyone else, because you are afraid that they will judge you. Afraid They will tell you that you are the slut who flirts with every guy and is sexually active. Afraid They will tell you that you are the hypocrite who goes to church, preaches purity, and then lusts. Afraid They will tell you that you are the player who skips from guy-to-guy looking for a high, discarding them whenever you get bored or they do. But it's not what these people think that matters to you. You aren't worried that people will think these of you. I realize now that you fear that they will confirm what you hide from yourself. You are afraid that you are the hypocrite, the slut, the player and so you shut it out. You preach the opposite of each, showing the world that you aren't what you fear you are. You lie to yourself that you aren't what you fear you are.

I'm here to tell you that you are what you fear. I'm here to tell you that you are on a destructive path. Who you are...who you are becoming is a woman who will never truly be happy and end up making too many big mistakes in her her life to recover from. Mistakes like failing too many classes to complete a major, flirting with the wrong kind of asshole getting sexually assaulted (or worse) again, or Pushing your need for sexuality to the limit where you lose your virginity to some guy who you just happened to be caught up in the moment with. I'm here to show you the path you're on so that you can live a happier life.

So I've said what I needed to. I'm not telling you that you need to be perfect, that you can't make mistakes. I'm just telling you to learn from your mistakes and make smart choices. Because I can't bear to stand idly by as you get hurt, even if you can.

By now your mind is probably racing with examples of how I'm wrong, how to insult me, or how to make it go away. Denial. But trust me, if you take a step back and examine what I've said, you know it to be true. So, hate me. Swear at me. Slap me. Yell at me. Tell yourself I'm wrong. Cry your heart out blaming me for all the pain.

There is a side of you that knows I am right but i doubt you will confront it anytime soon. I hope I've given you something to think about, though. Something that will lead to a brighter future for you. If you never want to see me again, that makes sense. If you realize that the path you're on leads to nothing but pain, then I will be able to live with myself.

you've distrusted me. you've played me. you've lied to me. you've hurt me. you've broken me. But I have been there. And if you ever need someone to turn to. someone you can completely trust. just look up and i promise I will be there for you to yell at, lean on, or be carried by.

I doubt you want to be best friends, friends, acquaintances, or anything now. So I'm guessing this is goodbye, B. Know that I will always be around, being whatever you need me to be.

I don't understand you.

I think i might have a talk with you soon.

Probably will ruin everything.

But I care too much about you to see you do this to yourself.

You most likely will hate me

Think I'm wrong

But I'm sure the day will come when you realize that I am right

And realize that I was the one who cared the most

So while me may not be for each other, know that I care

I care because I love you.

GODDAMNIT

Why the fuck do I care at all. Why the FUCK do I love you! I thought u were a good girl, the perfect one for me hiding behind a facade of slut but NO THE GOOD U IS THE FACADE! SOMETIMES U JUST PISS ME THE FUCK OFF WITH HOW U TOY WITH ME.

fuck.

me.

damnit

not in a good mood

It's a curious feeling

It's an odd feeling, knowing exactly who you would think about if you were about to die. Knowing exactly who you would wish for if you had the chance. Knowing exactly who you would die for if need be. It's even more curious that I know this despite the fact that I know I would never cross her mind if she was faced with the same situations. It's a curious feeling I have.

I fell in love with you 6 months ago

I fell in love with you 6 months ago and that love has broken me twice now. Once by my own doing, the other at your hands. I should hate you. You played me. You told me we were perfect. Told me you loved me. Told me you wanted to lose your virginity, something i know you held so dear, with me. It all changed suddenly, and I don't understand why. I hate myself for not hating you. Not even close. I should move on. i hate myself for saying this, but I don't think I'm ready to give up on you yet :( I realize that there are other women...but i only want you. It's something really difficult to explain. I can and find myself often thinking about being with other women. Heck, I TRY to think about being with other women, but nothing clicks like it does between us...or at least like I think it click between us...something you don't seem to see the same as I do. I imagine hugging another woman intimately, but they don't quite fit my arms like you do. I try to imagine holding hands with another woman, but their fingers never seem to fill the spaces between mine as snuggly as yours do. I know it's odd and unrealistic, and no matter how much i tell myself "it's over"...a part of me, probably my heart, believes we will end up together. I've done all I can think of to convince myself otherwise...but that's just it. I can close my eyes, still see you in my arms on Maddie's couch. Your lips gently kissing my forearm. Your soft, wavy hair in front of me, scent so intoxicating. My other arm resting so lightly on your stomach...feeling so right. It comes back to me clear as day, sometimes I can even feel your lush lips on my skin. I think about that moment, and others...and tell myself to stop living in the past, but i feel like I am lying to myself. It's as if a part of me knows this isn't over yet...it will happen again. But what if it doesn't?...what if it does? Questions that keep me up at night and distract me in the day. All I know is that i haven't given up on you yet...i look into your eyes and see more than anyone else. I see an indescribable perfection possible within you that i fell in love with only 6 months ago.

Whats on your mind?

I hung out with you today and as usual there were lots of laughs and jokes. I still think that you are acting flirty towards me but I guess that's your nature. I love being with you like this, just us. The only way I think it could be better is with the occasional kiss or holding your hand or my hand wrapped tightly around your waist. It's very tempting to say the least. But you've told me that's not what you want. You don't have that connection with me. I wonder whats going through your mind, whats running behind those eyes as I peer deep into them trying to get a glance. What is on your mind when all I can think about is holding your hand? You did ask me what was wrong, sensing something was out of place...but as I expect to do forever, I hold my tongue, smile and keep walking by your side.

Dreaming of a Beautiful

Last night's sleep didn't come easy. hour or so of thinking in the dark. I realized something on my drive this morning. I still love you, and I still want you. I don't know when that is going to change if it ever will, but I seem to have made peace with the fact that I cannot have you. Again, though, I don't know when that is going to change if it ever will. I wonder if there's someone out there who can shift my focus from you. Someone who will love me as intensely as I do you. Will I be ready? Will I want it? Will I ever stop wanting you? It's these questions that are driving me mad.

where's the sense in that

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,
Or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess and
destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
then I'm sure that that makes sense

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was there
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on....

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

Hanging out with you

We hung out today for about an hour. As always, things are never awkward between us in person. You are so damn beautiful, personality and body. We have so many laughs. I wish hanging out with you would never end. You are surprisingly touchy-feely...only more confusing for me. I love your teasing style, your laugh, that smile. I dunno how im ever gonna forget these feelings for you :( You are simply who i love and want. I wish i didn't love and want you :(

You know what

I can sit around weeping and wallowing in pity or i can move on. I still love her, i still want her with all that's in me...but you know what? I've made my peace that she walked away. If she's not smart enough to keep what we had, or could have had. then I have got to be smart enough to let her go. I hope I can.

What if...

I love her so much. She's got flaws. She is not a perfect person. She can be insensitive, sultry, hypocritical, unintelligent, annoying, and stubborn beyond reason. I look in the mirror and ask myself why I love her. even with those flaws...she's perfect in my eyes. I just seem to love everything about her, even if sometimes I am angry with her or she plays with my heart. She is my best friend, the person who I can be in an argument with, but still want to hold hands. I don't want to love her anymore...loving her means pain for me, pain for her. I want to get over her so badly, go back to just being friends. I don't want to look at her like she's a goddess anymore. I want to feel the impressions of her imperfections. I want to stop wanting her. I'm so worried though...what if I never love someone as intensely as I do her.What if, she's the one and I fucked up? What if I am going to live my life wishing for her. I'm not sorry I fell in love. I just wish it would go away now that I've been in both pain and euphoria. Where's the off switch on this killer feeling?

Dream

Went to sleep fairly easy last night. That was new. Dreamt that you and I had an argument about us. Seemed to go on for hours. Ended when I accused you of toying with me and being a player...you slapped me and I woke up. Swear my cheek stung. Found myself on the other side of the bed, pillows and blanket everywhere. Means I had restless sleep.

I'm sorry, ok?

"you don't understand you push me away not only for any chance of me liking you but you push me away as your best friend too when you keep doing this" - you

This is not sarcastic...im taking a step back and looking from your eyes:

I'm sorry I love you and hate to stand aside and see you get hurt by players and assholes. Sorry i make my feelings known because I believe in asking for something in life when u want it, not just being silent. I'm sorry that this speaking up makes it more complicated for you :(

I'm sorry this makes you feel bad. I'm sorry your feelings for me changed on a dime, one minute telling me we're perfect and the next wanting none of me. I don't want to push you away....that's the last thing i want to do.

I'm truly sorry for any pain i've caused you.

Sometimes...you can just be so heartless

Sometimes I look in the mirror and ask myself WHY I love you. you can be so insensitive sometimes and it's like you enjoy toying with my heart. You sent me a text today, the very same day you told me that you only liked me as a friend despite you telling me that you thought we were perfect for one another, you loved me, and even telling me that you wanted to lose your virginity to me. The text said : "Tonight the one you love/like will suddenly want you :) miss you :) and fall for you even more. send to 10 ppl or bad luck starts now"

Why would you even think to send that to me.

Sometimes you can be so heartless :(

Dear Love,

Dear Love,

Please stay away from me and my friends. You bring us nothing but trouble and pain. I'm tired of not only my personal suffering, but having to witness my friends suffer. I want to stop all the hugs i have to give people as the tremble within my arms. I want to stop the trembling feeling knowing I don't have her in my arms. I'm sick of spending my nights laying in my bed thinking of her, getting no sleep. I'm sick of having to comfort those I hold dear without being able to do a damn thing to actually help. I no longer want to see my hands wet with my tears, nor with those of my friends. Stop strangling us as we breathe and let us live our lives in peace. I had this image of you in my mind, from my cartoons and books of my elementary years. I'm sorry to say you are nothing like i expected. You hide in a facade of good feelings, behind images of cupid and hearts. The true you dances with the devil and is intimate with pain. Consider this my restraining order on Cupid. Let me go just one goddamn second without thinking of her. Let my friends have the very same peace. Let us breathe without having a pain in our chest. Let me close my eyes without seeing her face, or feeling her touch, or hearing her voice. Some say love is blind. I say love is heartless. Love is the kid with the magnifying glass. Love is the mugger on the streets of New York. Love is the cold-blooded murderer. Leave us alone. I beg of you. Stop killing our hearts from the inside out. Let me live in peace. Let my mind be at rest. Let me stop imagining everything about her. Let my friends' minds cease their restlessness. Let us be! Let our smiles be genuine and our lives be love-less. Because to love is NOT to have hopes, dreams, and desires realized. Love is to have them crushed. What is the point of loving someone who you can never have? Thank you for hurting me. For making me tear out my heart and shut it down.

Yours Truly,
A Bitter Person

Deleted Prior Posts

i deleted all the prior posts on this blog in an attempt to get over you. It ended up not helping.