I fell in love with you 6 months ago

I fell in love with you 6 months ago and that love has broken me twice now. Once by my own doing, the other at your hands. I should hate you. You played me. You told me we were perfect. Told me you loved me. Told me you wanted to lose your virginity, something i know you held so dear, with me. It all changed suddenly, and I don't understand why. I hate myself for not hating you. Not even close. I should move on. i hate myself for saying this, but I don't think I'm ready to give up on you yet :( I realize that there are other women...but i only want you. It's something really difficult to explain. I can and find myself often thinking about being with other women. Heck, I TRY to think about being with other women, but nothing clicks like it does between us...or at least like I think it click between us...something you don't seem to see the same as I do. I imagine hugging another woman intimately, but they don't quite fit my arms like you do. I try to imagine holding hands with another woman, but their fingers never seem to fill the spaces between mine as snuggly as yours do. I know it's odd and unrealistic, and no matter how much i tell myself "it's over"...a part of me, probably my heart, believes we will end up together. I've done all I can think of to convince myself otherwise...but that's just it. I can close my eyes, still see you in my arms on Maddie's couch. Your lips gently kissing my forearm. Your soft, wavy hair in front of me, scent so intoxicating. My other arm resting so lightly on your stomach...feeling so right. It comes back to me clear as day, sometimes I can even feel your lush lips on my skin. I think about that moment, and others...and tell myself to stop living in the past, but i feel like I am lying to myself. It's as if a part of me knows this isn't over yet...it will happen again. But what if it doesn't?...what if it does? Questions that keep me up at night and distract me in the day. All I know is that i haven't given up on you yet...i look into your eyes and see more than anyone else. I see an indescribable perfection possible within you that i fell in love with only 6 months ago.