We need to talk

I want you to listen to what I am about to tell you. I want you to listen without responding. You will probably want to cry. You will probably want to hit me. You will want to yell at me that I am wrong. You will want to think that I don't care. But I want you to resist those things and trust me when I say I love you and care more than anyone.


Its sad when people you know become people you knew. Its devastating when it happens to someone you love. I looked into your eyes many times in the past few months, and saw so many great things. I saw potential, boldness, sexiness, happiness, empathy, intelligence, and greatness all within you. I saw past the slut who wore a cheerleader outfit to school. I saw past the student who failed her Algebra class. I saw past the whore who skipped from guy-to-guy looking for a high of physicality. I saw past the hypocrite who preached Christian and lusted, keeping purity on technicalities. I saw a good person. I saw the person I fell in love with. At least, I thought I saw...

I've come to realize that the facade i thought you were hiding behind...isn't a mask. It's you. I wasn't seeing past anything at all, I was simply ignoring....as I think you are ignoring.

You've done things that you are not proud of. You've made mistakes and that's okay. I'm not telling you that being imperfect is wrong. What is wrong is the fact that you do not learn from those mistakes, but instead ignore them and continue to make worse ones. You've told me a couple times to not tell things to Maddie, or anyone else, because you are afraid that they will judge you. Afraid They will tell you that you are the slut who flirts with every guy and is sexually active. Afraid They will tell you that you are the hypocrite who goes to church, preaches purity, and then lusts. Afraid They will tell you that you are the player who skips from guy-to-guy looking for a high, discarding them whenever you get bored or they do. But it's not what these people think that matters to you. You aren't worried that people will think these of you. I realize now that you fear that they will confirm what you hide from yourself. You are afraid that you are the hypocrite, the slut, the player and so you shut it out. You preach the opposite of each, showing the world that you aren't what you fear you are. You lie to yourself that you aren't what you fear you are.

I'm here to tell you that you are what you fear. I'm here to tell you that you are on a destructive path. Who you are...who you are becoming is a woman who will never truly be happy and end up making too many big mistakes in her her life to recover from. Mistakes like failing too many classes to complete a major, flirting with the wrong kind of asshole getting sexually assaulted (or worse) again, or Pushing your need for sexuality to the limit where you lose your virginity to some guy who you just happened to be caught up in the moment with. I'm here to show you the path you're on so that you can live a happier life.

So I've said what I needed to. I'm not telling you that you need to be perfect, that you can't make mistakes. I'm just telling you to learn from your mistakes and make smart choices. Because I can't bear to stand idly by as you get hurt, even if you can.

By now your mind is probably racing with examples of how I'm wrong, how to insult me, or how to make it go away. Denial. But trust me, if you take a step back and examine what I've said, you know it to be true. So, hate me. Swear at me. Slap me. Yell at me. Tell yourself I'm wrong. Cry your heart out blaming me for all the pain.

There is a side of you that knows I am right but i doubt you will confront it anytime soon. I hope I've given you something to think about, though. Something that will lead to a brighter future for you. If you never want to see me again, that makes sense. If you realize that the path you're on leads to nothing but pain, then I will be able to live with myself.

you've distrusted me. you've played me. you've lied to me. you've hurt me. you've broken me. But I have been there. And if you ever need someone to turn to. someone you can completely trust. just look up and i promise I will be there for you to yell at, lean on, or be carried by.

I doubt you want to be best friends, friends, acquaintances, or anything now. So I'm guessing this is goodbye, B. Know that I will always be around, being whatever you need me to be.