Why

why am I who I am? I don't quite understand how everyone around me can do the things they do, and treat me like some piece of shit. Treat me like I don't matter. They smile at me, act like they are my friends, and then fuck me over some way or another when it's profitable for them. I used to believe that people were at least by a little bit of nature, good. But I just don't know anymore. I've opened up to so many people, just because I trusted. I looked into eyes and saw good. Its all a facade though isn't it. It pisses me off that I've let so many people see the real me and for what? just to get poked and prodded with a stick by those I called my friends. just to have the one person who i actually let touch my heart, drop it once she got bored. Life is messed up. There are not enough good people in the world to counteract the bad and when all the bad are acting good, who the fuck can tell the difference? I'm closing shop. Putting up my armor. Someone is going to have to earn all of my trust before I give them anything now. Thanks to all the secrets and lies we tell one another. Thanks to the friends who went behind my back. Thanks to the woman who only played the part when I gave her my heart.